To some of my friends who knows I’ve been playing a game called World of Warcraft by Blizzard, this ‘wow’ factor isn’t related to the awesome game.

This ‘wow’ factor I would like to talk about today is related to human. Nope… not about chick’s ‘wow’ factor. This ‘wow’ factor is something really grand that I think everyone in this world should take a moment to embrace it.

Humans are animals that naturally coexist with one another. We tend to share more than just objects in life. We also share feelings, emotion, events and many more. When was the last time you’ve got great news and decided to buy your friends beer, or how about that time when you cried over your friends shoulder over something dreadful? These are the ‘wow’ factors that I want to talk about.

I’m sure everyone would feel honoured when your friends call you out for a dinner celebration over something that is joyous to him/her. Isn’t it just wow to have been invited and be part of the party? Yeah you might be busy with your own stuff but hardly anyone ever turns down a joyous event. You’ll just nonchalantly cancel whatever was on the schedule and say “What the heck, I need a break.” Cheers!!!

But… what if your friend called you up when they are at their worst point of their life? They don’t sound happy, maybe you even heard a whisper of their cry. What would you do? Whoa… I’ve been enough shit for the day and I ain’t gonna keep up with more shit now? Wrong! When your friend actually seek you up for help at their lowest point you should be even happier and have that exact same WOW factor except only in capitals! Why the WOW you may ask? Your friend being at the worst state is not afraid to show themselves in their true colours. And seeking you is just amazing to know that you mean more than just a simple friend to them. Share a tear or two with them… put them back on their feet. Treasure them as much as they treasure you to tell you their sour moments. You’ll be surprised how much your little time can affect a big portion of their life.

Humans are superficial beings. Be true starting from today and treasure everyone who is still around us.

“Seek for happiness infinitely.”

This is mainly to clear up the misleading number I gave out about me being single.

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*Ding*… *click*… This particular MSN pop up has never failed to bring a smile on my face.

I
call that the relic of my life. I believe that in life there is a relic
for everyone. What is this relic that I’m referring to? My kind of
relic is that particular someone that will unconditionally at any given
point of time put a soothing serene smile on your face.

This
relic has caught part of my heart ever since she was first introduced
by my neighbor. Actually I’m sure she has captured more than just my
heart. Lots of people has got a crush on her. This happened way back in
my primary school years. Growing up and getting to know her better has
further proof that she’s definitely a girl to die for. But due to
certain reasons I never make a move on her. Can’t say I regret for not
doing so because I believe it has turn out to be for a better cause.

She’s
quite a witty one. Just by talking to her in person or online has never
failed to entertain me. We both play with words well… it’s like a
battle when we talk. We openly discuss just about anything under the
sun which even makes our conversation even more intriguing.

Just recently, we had a great chat. A long long chat… reasons mainly
due to the cause that I’ve got something that I wanted to tell her but
decided not to after I took a piss break. She couldn’t understand why
and kept pestering me to tell. She even offer to make me feel better so
that I’ll spill it out. Hah! Fat chance… I ain’t sinking down that
easily! I told her that I’m gonna hold on to this till I see her in
person then I’ll tell her. Reason is because it’s really an epic thing
for her to know about it, so nope… not gonna tell her till we get to
see each other. Oh.. added an expiry date on that so I will have to
tell her in 3 years time even though we don’t get to see each other in
person. But I’ll make sure I get to see her in person even though that
means that I’ll have to get tickets for her to fly or vice-versa.

Talked to a friend about me being such a thinker. After a few sentences…

“James, stop thinking like a girl!”

BAM!!! Oh yeah that hits like a truck in my face! I ain’t got nothing to loose.. why should I think like a girl? The questions and scenario that I often play in my head is so unnecessary!

Thanks!

5½ years I’ve been single. Some might say I’m bullshitting here but the word is out and there simply ain’t no benefit for me lying about this matter.

Why? How? Trust me, those are the exact same questions I’m asking myself. And I remember I’ve always answered that I simply wasn’t looking for one, rejected a few relationships here and there, can’t even take of myself well why would I want to get myself more trouble, has got wonderful friends to stand by with, too much choices? Ha ha… indeed those are the few factors why I was single for 5½ years.

The series of fortunate events recently has certainly got me thinking a lot. The thinking has burn down to another conclusion I’ve made up 2 days ago. I’m afraid to love. Whoa! Afraid to love? Nothing from the last breakup hurt me badly that I couldn’t recover, don’t worry, I’m not a fragile piece of crap. So instead I think I’ve been thinking too much.

When I think there’s a possibility to start a relationship, I would push myself to see the future with her by my side. It’s like this amazing imagination of both our lives playing like a series of movie till the end of the day. Through out the movie there will be lots of played events with the both of our emotion involves, family background, wedding day, kids, growing old… yes, I’m one hell of a dreamer. Upon ending the movie with the scrolling credits, I would then evaluate how fair we turn out as a couple. Chances are not to good and I believe that I can find someone who is more compatible.

Oh hell, I can’t go on any further with that story because I know I’m thinking too much and how would anyone in this blardy world knows what is gonna happen without me trying it out except for God Himself? There ain’t no perfect woman and I ain’t flawless too. Few of my friends has already further imply that I should cherish what I can and make the best out of it.

So listening to this clearly tells me that I should start breaking out of this protective imaginary invisible shield that fends off love and just go ahead with what I felt right at that particular moment? Now that will bring justice to my own conclusion to prove that I’m not afraid to love!

“The greatest thing in this world is to love and be loved in return – Moulin Rouge”

Four days again huh. What could happen in this four days part III? (For those who do not know how significant ‘four days’ meant in my life do check back for them.)

Writing this timeline of my life has proved to be harder to put them down in words. The massive changes and significance it brings to my life is beyond words itself.

Above all happiness and joy it has brought me there’s just too much events that made me can’t stop thinking about what I want in the future. I maybe thinking too much… No… I am thinking too much. Had a talk with a friend on that matter and admittedly I do think too much. And all these thinking is making me going crazy. I’ve always believe that thinking is good as long as they prove to improve and upgrade our life.

So what are these thinking that is making me crazy? The things I thought about ranged from all aspects of my life. Career, family, love… but the million dollar question is ‘Will she be the one I want to marry.” Hah, James you can’t be serious right? I’m not sure really, I’m too young to even start thinking about it. Plus my speculated age to get married is 28 and above but recently I kinda push it to 30 and above. Truth is I’m not sure but it has been spinning in my head ever since so it has to be a lil bit serious? Ahh, you might be ‘cut the crap James, who is this girl!’ Too bad I ain’t spilling anything. Those who knows can guess and you most probably will be right. She is no doubt the kind of girl that would make a guy go ‘What more can you ask for from her?’

“Vague future with a determined heart.”

Colours is really a wonderful thing if you actually stop by and notice them.

Take a look around you… How the vibrant skies choose their colours and mood to suit the ever changing face of the earth. Look into the horizon, notice the soothing shades of green that lies atop of each other dancing in the wind. Spin around, take some time to be amazed by the ever changing colours of the streets.

Painting colours to a rainbow? Weird as it seems huh… Did you know that humans were only able to identify 4 colours out of the rainbow way back in the stone age? It’s either our eyes actually evolved or I guess they just decided to add more shades of colour names into their colour wheel. Hence we have 7 shades of colour in a rainbow known today. I bet you can’t even state the colours of the rainbow now in order!

Here you go: Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet.

So back to the main question. Why paint colours that are already there to a rainbow?

I have a dear friend or should I say, I had a dear friend. I’m sitting here pondering and reading at the first line for quite sometime before I proceed on writing. How did a dear friend turn sour so early? Ahh.. the series of unfortunate events and mistakes and somewhere along the line I did offended her without noticing. But hey, I was young and shallow back then!

Hmm.. how did wonderful colours came about to link to this dear friend of mine? She’s a great girl. Ever so caring and brilliant. So caring up to a point she sacrifices. This is where I don’t find it noble. Giving up your colours of life and painting it for others. Humans being selfish is a bad trait but then we all have to be self-centered at some point. It’s a dog eat dog world out there.

While these teachings might be the perfect role model for everyone but do find a balance. Everyone deserves to be happy and it won’t come till you want to pursue your own happiness. I have to admit that I was really happy for quite sometime too over some personal reasons but I’ll live it through, I just have to start filling my own cup and stop running away. My dear, start painting colours into your rainbow. I think I know you well enough to say that I’ve not seen you really happy. You’re always sour upon something you can just simply learn to ‘let go’.

Deny, ignore, run, neglect, abandon…

Sad to say I’ve not been the usual self for quite sometime. A long time actually… I didn’t ask for this but you know how fragile humans can be at times and they just can’t get out of that diseased bubble. Looking away at the real world drenched and soak till the flesh rots and decay.

As some of you might know, last month was my birthday month. It’s a really bad day for my birthday to fall on a good Friday. Everyone was literally at the church from day till night and there ain’t no party for me. So seeing how bad 2007 started till my birthday it really makes me wonder why am I still here. I have to say there isn’t really much for me to look forward to except for the upcoming Jazz Festival this weekend.

Hold me, thrill me, kiss me please. Gotta wake up from this reverie and taste the sun sweet berries of the earth again. Praying and hoping things we get better… God does always seem to send Angels to save me. I’m really thankful for His grace!

A dear friend said she’ll be dropping to visit me for a few days. She couldn’t decide until she realize that she lost her ticket to another destination. (God’s grace?) She’s the other person that I’m really looking forward to meet up after decaying for so long. Although she spent only four days in Miri, I must say she made me stop running away from myself and started thinking of filling that un-shattered cup of mine. I could’ve do it myself but I guess I was just weak, very weak.

I could talk more about how interesting she is, like the wonderful chats at night, her short yoga lesson for me, the way she put on her make-ups, how she see things as they are, what she wants… I think a short glimpse for you all is enough. I’ll shut here. Anymore than that would make me sound like I’m obsess with her.

How ironic, I had the best 4 days of my life last year and I’m getting it just before my birthday month ends this year. Gotta love myself more!