5½ Years

5½ years I’ve been single. Some might say I’m bullshitting here but the word is out and there simply ain’t no benefit for me lying about this matter.

Why? How? Trust me, those are the exact same questions I’m asking myself. And I remember I’ve always answered that I simply wasn’t looking for one, rejected a few relationships here and there, can’t even take of myself well why would I want to get myself more trouble, has got wonderful friends to stand by with, too much choices? Ha ha… indeed those are the few factors why I was single for 5½ years.

The series of fortunate events recently has certainly got me thinking a lot. The thinking has burn down to another conclusion I’ve made up 2 days ago. I’m afraid to love. Whoa! Afraid to love? Nothing from the last breakup hurt me badly that I couldn’t recover, don’t worry, I’m not a fragile piece of crap. So instead I think I’ve been thinking too much.

When I think there’s a possibility to start a relationship, I would push myself to see the future with her by my side. It’s like this amazing imagination of both our lives playing like a series of movie till the end of the day. Through out the movie there will be lots of played events with the both of our emotion involves, family background, wedding day, kids, growing old… yes, I’m one hell of a dreamer. Upon ending the movie with the scrolling credits, I would then evaluate how fair we turn out as a couple. Chances are not to good and I believe that I can find someone who is more compatible.

Oh hell, I can’t go on any further with that story because I know I’m thinking too much and how would anyone in this blardy world knows what is gonna happen without me trying it out except for God Himself? There ain’t no perfect woman and I ain’t flawless too. Few of my friends has already further imply that I should cherish what I can and make the best out of it.

So listening to this clearly tells me that I should start breaking out of this protective imaginary invisible shield that fends off love and just go ahead with what I felt right at that particular moment? Now that will bring justice to my own conclusion to prove that I’m not afraid to love!

“The greatest thing in this world is to love and be loved in return – Moulin Rouge”

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